Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
