Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Be still, my beating vagina.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
