So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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