Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
