This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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