at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
