Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
