TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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