I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
