He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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