there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
