her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
