so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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