I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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