I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
