hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And then my night got REAL pukey
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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