ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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