I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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