I think I won the penis lottery.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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