did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
