he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
