I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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