i permit you to call me
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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