Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
