It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
