I would go down on you faster than GM stock
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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