she was so not down for the gang bang
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
