My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
