I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize