You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
