We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize