Ketchup is God's man juice
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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