I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
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Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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