Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
