oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
