9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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