I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
