i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
