I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
