Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
