is your mom at the bar?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
