we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
