i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize