I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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