is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
