Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
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My boob is missing a layer of skin
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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