you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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