Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
