is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
