I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
