The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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