nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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