drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
