I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
