Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
as a side note pls kill me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
