im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
