party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
