We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
