also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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