4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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