That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
